Tonight was the elementary school’s spring carnival fundraiser thing. I passionately hate stuff like that. It wouldn’t be so bad if the girls were older, I guess, but the chasing and the losing kids and the awful music and the stuff that the girls are too little to do and the tickets. Oh, the tickets. Luckily, we got tickets ahead of time and didn’t bring cash, so there was no begging. Learn as you go, right.
Before we left I was trying to figure out what to wear. It’s difficult because I am vain, too heavy to fit into most of my clothes right now, and too hopeful and short of money to buy new things. Things quickly go downhill for me when I have to go somewhere and I can’t find something to put on. It’s even worse if I already feel less than par and there isn’t a good outfit to bring me up a few notches. I already admitted that I’m vain, remember?
I didn’t want to go. But the kids did. I kept secretly hoping that they would behave so badly we could stay home as punishment, but I was signed up to work from 7-8 o’clock and I’m not really that badass. In the end, I found an old post partum purchase, the denim skirt from Target. I remembered that the theme of the carnival was something like, "wild west." Damnit, I am from Texas, after all, I ought to just go with it. I did. I got my black cowboy boots out of the kids’ dress up bin, and wore a black cardigan that my mom brought me from her friend’s boutique in Plano. It’s got big buttons covered in red bandanna fabric, and a bandanna patch-pocket with kind of western trim.
I embraced the carnival.
And, it wasn’t too bad. The kids had more fun than the adults, obviously, but I enjoyed seeing Lexy find his friends and run around with them. I enjoyed feeding Willow a strawberry flavored sno-cone, which was medicinal since she fell on the way out the door and had a fat, bloodied lip. Sophie got to use her tickets to play some of the games. Nate was the best, though. When we got there he had to pee. Cause he was so excited, I think. I left John with the girls at the jumphouse and took Nate to the bathroom. It was like he was filled with helium. He was grinning at everyone and whenever he saw a friend, he’d shout their name and wave and quiver with happiness. He loves his friends. He loves going out and seeing them. It is so so cool for him to be big enough for this kind of stuff. He had his tickets in his pocket and his new shoes on and seeing him so happy made me really grateful that I pulled my head out of my ass and showed up.