This afternoon we (Willow, Soph, & Nate) stood in an almost dry dugout, shivering and eating microwave popcorn and watching Lex play soccer in the rain. Willow kept calling it a bomb shelter, and that made the woman who was in there with her toddler laugh. The child had on tennies with trucks on them, track pants, and a jacket with a baseball on front. The mom was annoyed when my kids thought her kid was a boy. Then she got on her cell phone to talk about college football, saying that the defense was awful and they'd obviously been out partying Friday night. It was weird.

My whole day was weird, yesterday too. Stuff I thought was okay maybe isn't, other messed up things got better. At the end of it all I'm just wanting to crawl into bed and hibernate for a bit.

I wish I had some kind of life rulebook to consult right now. I have this sinking feeling that I'm fucking up, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Or if I even am doing anything wrong. I hate going to bed so unsettled, but I'm too tired for anything else.