So, it’s New Year’s Eve, just getting dark, and I’m standing at the register at Kohl’s while the salesclerk rings up my purchases. I’d waited in line behind 47 people already with no issues, but now there was a young couple in line practically laughing out loud at me. I mean, I made eye contact and she looked away, but he looked right at me, at the stuff I was buying, and could not suppress a laugh.
I was far enough away from them to pass for someone much younger than 41, so I think they were laughing with me, like, Dude, that chick’s gonna have a HAPPY NEW YEAR, rather than OH GROSS! You’re too old for that lingerie. (That’s what being five feet tall does for a girl – sometimes when we are out in a crowd, Scuba doesn’t see me because I blend in with the children. True story.)
Anyway. Just like black-eyed peas, new underpants on New Year’s is supposed to be good luck. I didn’t exactly make a trip to Kohl’s on New Year’s Eve for panties, though, I was there to get a tablecloth for the new table that Scuba bought us. It’s just that Kohl’s *had* panties, really really cute ones, and bras! and the last time I bought a new bra was, I swear to God, two thousand and FOUR. It’s not that I didn’t try, really. It’s just that, you know, it’s hard to find the time and the extra cash to shop. The last time I tried I nearly spent $124 on ONE gorgeous red lacy bra, (Stanford Shopping Center) but then I thought about how that money could feed the kids for a few days and just couldn’t justify it. (Also? No matching panties – wtf?)
So, there I was at Kohl’s ready to get in the super long line with my four bras and three *matching* little cute panties (all for under $100) and our new butter-colored tablecloth, and I was feeling a little bit, well, embarrassed, I guess, attempting to stand there for twenty five minutes all nonchalant about the fact that right behind the plain tablecloth I’m holding onto there are seven little hangers loaded up with lace and red and polka dots and garter straps. But then I noticed that the guy behind me had ONE item in his hand: a pair of black cotton underpants with bright pink polka dots. I felt like he was taking some of the pressure off me, you know?
Now here it is, the 3rd of January, and I’ve yet to wash and wear any of my new stuff. Maybe the having will bring luck even if I’m not wearing them? I could really use some good luck this year.