52 weeks

Seaswings #sophbday

Seaswings at the Boardwalk on Sophie’s Birthday.  

I don’t know whose legs those are, but I wish I were in one of the empty swings right now.  Swinging up high next to the beach would be good.  I’ve got a season pass, you know, so I could just drop everything, tell the kids and work that I’ve got a doctor’s appointment, and go there right now.        

Yesterday (Monday) was my first work day since I picked up my reading glasses (Friday) and I squinted all day long having forgotten them entirely until about 8 p.m.  I swear my brain is a strainer, but instead of filtering for large and small, it just lets all the important stuff go and remembers the junk.  At any rate, today the reading glasses are all systems go and my laptop’s looking sharp and sparkly.

My brother is finally here from Portland, traveling for work.  He’ll be observing heart surgeries all day and then meeting us for dinner.  I’ll be reminding myself all day that I should hold off on the crying until after we leave the restaurant, but I’m going to treat it like it’s no big thing so I don’t forget. 

Today makes 52 weeks since my dad died.  Two days from now will mark one year. The girls leave that morning for Disneyland with their girl scout troop, the boys have an appointment that afternoon to get their eyes examined.  I’m too far away to visit his grave, so I don’t know what I’ll do.  I’m not sure that I could miss him more than I already do, and I already drink plenty of beer in his honor.  I guess I’ll just close my eyes and hold my breath and wait it out.  

2 thoughts on “52 weeks

  1. Heather C.

    Getting through it minute by minute is the only way. It sucks. Huge. It’s an empty, lonely expanse of time. Every year. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Hugs to you.
    Tomorrow marks six years since my dad left. Every years I sit around until 5:43 in the afternoon just to feel my heart ripped out once again.
    Chin up and huge strength to you. 🙂

  2. Jenijen

    Heather, I’m so sorry. I wish we lived closer we could go to the beach or something nice for two days each June. Hugs to you, too, darlin. xoxo


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