My kids were super sleepy this morning; all that football and late night bathing wore them out. They all four slept with me last night, again, and I let them sleep past the time that school started, except for Lex, who had to go early for safety patrol. We walked into the office about an hour after school started, and the secretary said as she wrote out the late slips, You NEVER do this! Wow. Reminded me of that comic who talked about what a rebel he was for drinking milk past the expiration date. Remember him? I cannot find him by googling: Comic "expiration date" milk "I’m a rebel." Sometimes the internets let me down.
Since I was an hour late getting to work, I decided to stop in at HoleFoods by the office and pick up something for lunch so that I could not move from my cube for the six or seven hours that I’d be there. I took the opportunity to not only get my lunch, but to also outsmart HoleFoods. If you’ve never shopped there, and dont’ know why some of us call it WholePaycheck (dang it, who started that?) then this won’t be as cool ** but here it is anyway: At HoleFoods, there is a Hot Food Bar. In the mornings they have roasted potatoes, scrambled eggs, little omelettes, BACON, fruit-covered French Toast, that kinda thing. So, if you get bacon and eggs and potatoes and you eat a lot like me, breakfast can cost $17.95 because they go by weight. I’ve never had a $17.95 breakfast there, but I have accidentally spent more than that on peaches. Anyway. What I do is I go to the hot food bar and get *just* bacon. Like, ten pieces. I like my bacon crunchy, and I think that weighs even less than disgusting, soggy, chewy, barfy bacon. And it only costs about $1.40. HAHAHA. It tastes so much better when it’s cheap like that.
Anyway. This morning when I was checking out with my practically free bacon, I was behind this guy in his early twenties (maybe, maybe late teens) and his mother. The guy had all sortsa tattoos, and pants that sagged down to his knees and boxers hanging out. Baseball cap. You know the guy. The sound system was playing HOT BLOODED (hehe has its very own wikipedia entry!) and he was Rockin.Out. Seriously. Like we are all standing there waiting for him to pay for his stuff, and his mother was just, I don’t know what she was doing, but the guy, he was SINGING and dancing and I was standing there holding my bacon and thinking that if I have to be late for work, at least I got the gifts of cheap, crispy, organic, and nitrate free bacon, and a show.
**Kinda in the same way that if you don’t know this total shithead of a guy (who I would like to squash) named DAN if I knew his last name I would put it here and his "girlfriend" (who can also fuck off) RANDI again, if I knew her last name it’s not really THE BEST HOOK UP STORY EVER to know that they met through a website for people with irritable bowel syndrome. Something like IBS sucks dot com brought them together! If you know them, though, that is SO PERFECT. I hate them. They owe me and John something like a thousand dollars and they SUCK and are dumb. "<whatever the html is for NEVERENDING here> RANT"