the bird

Once, long ago when Lexy was a baby, my only child in fact, I took him to visit relatives.  The day after we came back he took a late nap and woke up around 5 p.m. screaming and screaming and, well, SCREAMING.  He’d been a little snotty, and since we’d just flown, I thought that maybe he had an ear infection.  I know how much they hurt, because I STILL get them and they make me cry.  So, off we went to the urgent care, doc-in-a-box clinic. 

For a few hours, we waited and he SCREAMED and I couldn’t really help him in any way.  He was two years old on top of everything else and if you know any two year olds you know what I mean.  We were greeted by the doctor at 9 p.m., which was late for Lexy and we were all just exhausted and starving and ready to get out of there.  Lexy didn’t want to cooperate with the exam, so I offered to hold him with his head to my chest and let the doctor look in his ear like that.  Which is how every other doctor I knew of did it.  Not this one.  This one took him and put him on his back on the exam table, climbed up onto the table and pinned him down with his knees and lower body and had a nurse hold Lex’s hands over his head, and then looked in his ears.  I could not believe it and I didn’t even react for a minute because I was so horrified.  Then the doctor said that he was writing me an RX for penicillin, even though he strongly believed that the only thing wrong with my child was that he was really spoiled and uncooperative, and that his ears were red, but that it was probably from all the screaming and crying.   He even gave me some parenting advice. 

I am getting a pretty big adrenaline rush of PISSED OFFNESS just remembering this.

Anyhow, while he was turned away from us writing, I, with much vigor, flipped him off.  I even made the little jabbing motion you do when you are really angry.  He turned around and saw me.  My husband (at the time) was just mortified by my behavior, but I have to say that if I ever saw that man again, I would use BOTH HANDS and I would add some choice words. 

Thanks, Jess, for making me remember that. 

7 thoughts on “the bird

  1. Sue

    That is funny as hell. I especially love that he caught you. That is what makes it so great. I mean, embarrassing, yes, but I am sure it gave him something to think about.

    I used to flip my boyfriend off behind his back all the time when I lived with him. He loooooooved to be right and to give advice – he was usually doing one or the other. Now I have moved on and am so much less angry. It feels good, like taking off wool underwear.

  2. capello

    you are a much gentler soul than i am, for i am a cusser — and even worse in life than when i write.

    let’s just say doctors and i don’t get along too well…

  3. elayne

    Okay, a shitpox on the doctor for his comments about Lexy’s behavior and for not at least TRYING to let you manage him while he did the examination. I hope he isn’t practicing medicine anymore, the jerkwad.

    However… ::hangs head:: When TJ was little, I had to give him a medicine that was administered nasally. And COULD NOT DO IT. No one to help hold him still, just me, singlehandedly trying to put medicine in the nose of a child who was adamant that there was NOT going to be anything up his nose. One evening after a three-hour (yes, really) struggle, I don’t know who was crying harder, me or him. I logged on and talked to a friend online – she suggested the “kneelock” maneuver. I was reluctant, but didn’t know what else to do – he HAD to have the medicine and I was exhausted, he was exhausted, it was bad. I tried it. He hated it, I hated it, but it got the medicine in, and we cuddled for 15-20 minutes afterwards. The next time it was time for his medicine, he said, “Mommy, I be still, okay?” and held right still and let me put the medicine in his nose.

    I know it sounds barbaric, but I’d do it again in an instant.

    When he caught you, what’d you do? Look away, or just go, like, “Yeah, you saw me, fucker”?


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