If you could see or hear or read, I guess, my inner thoughts, you’d probably roll your eyes at my habit of thinking in analogies. Sometimes, though, there’s no better way to describe something save comparing it to something sort of like it. (Uh. That’s an analogy, isn’t it? A simile? Not a metaphor. . . )
Tonight all four kids got into bed with me so that we could read a couple of story books. Nate and Sophie sat at the foot of the bed, divvying up the reading page by page. He helped her when she got stuck, and he even did it nicely. Nicely enough that she didn’t get frustrated and angry. I was at the other end of the bed, Lex tucked under my right arm, big as me; Willow snuggling up next to me under my left arm. Lex played with Willow’s hair and held his palm up to mine, delighted to find that he’s almost there. Nate patted Sophie’s shoulder as she read big words. She kissed him on the cheek and said thank you.
Halfway through Sophie’s Masterpiece, I interrupted to tell the kids that these were the very moments that I live for. This is it, I said, it’s this stuff that makes all the hard work and bad times okay. I love spending time with you when we all get along and just enjoy each other’s company.
They love it, too. Most of our time together is filled with barking and whining and negotiating. It’s something that disturbs and depresses me. Tonight was nice. More than nice. It was perfect. It’s like it took the sort of blurry photo of what I love about motherhood and brought it into super-sharp focus. There wasn’t any doubt that this was it. It was quiet and simple and unnoticed by the whole entire world, save for my whole entire world.
Maybe it’s not analogies I think in. Maybe it’s sap.
Like any love-struck being, I totally don’t care what anyone thinks of the way I profess my love.
The kids all decided that they want to get up early tomorrow and do yoga with me. I’ve been getting up 90 minutes before they do during the week to fit in 45 minutes of yoga, a shower, and a few minutes alone with my computer before starting the forced march to school. After we all said our goodnights, the boys went to their room and I snuggled the girls to sleep. I snuck away, out to the living room to make one last email check and on the floor I saw a yoga mat, all rolled out and ready to go. I love my kids so much that it feels like my heart is outside my body, one chamber attached to each kid.
Yeah. That’s definitely sap.
No, it’s not sap. The the very heart and reason for being here. Oh, and print this out and put it where you can see it. Memories like this get worn and tattered if not carefully preserved.
You make me tear up.
nah, that’s beautiful.
Lovely post. Sometimes I almost find it to be a relief when mine is a jerk, a relief from being so flayed by love.
if that’s sap, it’s the absolute best kind that i live for, too.