My brain will not let me sleep. It makes me yawn all afternoon and all through supper and all over SG when he stops by to visit afterwards, but now, when it's the middle of the night? Now is not the time to shut off! Now is the time to do some work, to look up this gnarly new drug I told my doctor today that I would try if it would just please make me well, and to spend the moments between thoughts trying to figure out if I could maybe go to this retreat thing in Oregon next spring even though the Magic 8 Ball has nothing but grimness for my politely asked questions.
I've got this weird daytime insomnia thing happening, too. Not that I want to sleep but can't — but stuff like I want to read, but can't. Want to listen to music, but can't. Want to take a fifteen minute walk with my camera and take some pictures, but there's nothing to take a photo of around here.
Dude. Somebody totally hacked my brain. These thoughts make me not recognize myself.
I'm 100% sure that it's the prednisone I am taking that is doing this. I also blame it for the antsy, cannot focus, pervasive itchyness that has been pulling me behind it for the past 17 days. If I stay on steroids long enough, I'll also end up with balsa wood for bones and that's no good for a woman like me who has to be able to kick-ass at a moment's notice. Sometimes with no notice at all, even!
That is why I told my doctor today that I'd try this other drug I've been a little hesitant to embrace. If it works for me, no more prednisone. So that's a big gimongous check in the pro column. And I wasn't going to (at least tonight) worry too much about the con column, because it's late and I'm tired, but then my brain figured out that I was considering sleeping during normal hours and it was all WAKE UP, JEN. IT'S WIKIPEDIA TIME!
So now my columns look like this:
less ill fatter
less ill made of mouse antibodies
no more other meds mouse antibodies gets TWO
CONS and unlimited shudders
sobering side effects
Not only did I make lists, but I ran both medicine names through an anagram maker. One of the 400 matches for prednisone? Need Prison. Remicade gave me Acme Ride, which is so very Roadrunner and Coyote.
I'm not at all sure now what to do. I mean, I did know about the mouse thing already, but I didn't know about some of the other potential things this new drug might do to me. I've already emailed my doctor.
Oh, sweet. I'm sleepy! Later.