At Nathan’s kindergarten conference last year, his teacher told me about how he would sit at his desk, look at his classmates and smile.  He was supposed to be doing his work, but instead he was just taking it all in, and being happy in the presence of his friends.  When she said that, I immediately thought of my granddaddy in his seat at the dinner table.  When we were there, especially when lots of us were there, he’d sit back in his chair and smile at us all. 

He died yesterday morning.  (December 30th)

He’d have turned 93 on New Year’s Eve. 

I can’t go to his funeral.  I’ll be there in two weeks, but I just can’t go right now.  In some ways, I’m glad to be going later on.  It will be nice to see my grandmother without everyone around, but I want to be there and I want to see everyone.  I missed his 90th birthday party because I was in the hospital trying not to die.  That was the year that Willow was almost born way way too early and I was the sickest I’ve ever been.  I remember when midnight came I was sitting in my hospital bed puking my guts out.  I was so so so sick.  For weeks I had to carry a tupperware bowl with me if I left the house.  Right before Willow was born, my mom’s father (Poppa) died and I couldn’t go to his funeral either, since I was still touch and go with the pregnancy.

My granddaddy made some arrangements for things that would happen after he died.  He asked for his grandsons to be his pallbearers, which my brother will be there to do, and he set aside some money to pay for hotels for anyone who had to come from out of town for his funeral.   He was a doctor, and just like the stereotype, he loved to golf.  He even got to play at St. Andrew’s.  I think that instead of flowers, I’ll make a donation to the Tiger Woods Foundation.  My mom and her mom are going to donate to the American Heart Association. 

The boys and I stayed up to celebrate the New Year.  We toasted and made lots of resolutions.  And now they are ready to go to sleep, so I will go lay down with them. 

Happy New Year, everyone.

12 thoughts on “

  1. Candy

    Sorry for your loss, dear, and that you can’t be there. If there’s a shred of guilt I hear in your voice, squelch it. We can only do what we can do at any given point…no more can be expected of us.

    It’s tough to lose a family member around the holidays. But it sounds like you have a huge family support system, and don’t forget…we love you too.

  2. mamadaisy

    Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how much you hoped he would hang on just a little longer so you could visit. You can only be so many places at once. He knows you love him.

  3. Lin

    How lucky you were to have your granddaddy in your life for so many years. It seems that he was one of those men destined to live on in memory for a very, very long time. some people just touch one’s life so deeply. It’s never easy to say goodbye, but somewhat easier when the one leaving has had a beautiful, long stay.

  4. GraceD

    Dear Jen, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know that the comfort of sleeping with your babies must have soothed the pain, just a bit. I send my love to you and well wishes for 2006.

    Your fan and friend,
    Grace D

  5. Dixie

    Jen, I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. What a wonderful thing to have had such a terrific person in your life.

    He must have been so proud of you and your family.

  6. jess

    So sorry Jen. A low point to start the year off. You have wonderful memories – they will help.

    Take care, i’m thinkin of you


  7. jenB

    awww jen, i am sorry. having some recent loss myself, i think i understand a bit. and i know it helped me to get kind words from my friends in the blog community. consider this comment a huge ass pile of kind words. i am glad you will get to visit your grandma and that you were able to spend time and get to know your grandad while he was here.



  8. Marshsa

    I am so sorry for your loss and that you wont be able to go to the funeral. I am sure your Grandfather was very proud of the wonderful mother you are, that you put your familiy’s needs above your own. Peace be with you.

  9. TitanKT

    I sorry to hear about your Granddad and also sorry that you won’t be able to go for the funeral. He sounds like such a good man, I know he’ll be very missed. Losing a loved one is definitely a wistful and sorrowful way to start the new year, but I certainly do send you and your whole family all my best wishes for a good 2006.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *