hey, look!

Nurse With wound
Originally uploaded by SusanaM.

Momblogger plays rockstar! This isn’t the full lineup; Diana was to the left of Andrew (who is the guy on the end of the table there). There are more photos from the show, taken by SusanaM that you can get to if you click on this one here.

I can’t begin to tell you how much fun it was to get up on a stage and just do something. I was really nervous backstage, so I had a glass or two of sparkling wine (Spanish champagne — cava, I think it’s called) and then a beer. By the time we had to go on, I was feeling a little relaxed but I still worried that I’d get out there and pee my pants. I didn’t, thankfully. I was also really grateful that what I did for the show required me to look down at my hands and not out at the people. That made it easier to pretend they weren’t there. After we got started, I wasn’t scared anymore, so I just decided that I was going to have fun. Lord knows that I’m going to spend many more months on end here at home doing the same old same old that keeps my family in clean socks and whatnot — I wanted to enjoy my time there as much as possible.

So, what, exactly, did I do up there? Well, I brought my grandfather’s old camera and my friend Matt (to my left in the photo) connected a contact mike to it. The click of the shutter and the sound of the advance lever came through really clearly. I also had a metal tray with a contact mike on the underside of the edge. I had my great-grandmother’s strand of pearls, a marble, my grandmother’s toy bull from the early 1930’s that “walks,” and my grandfather’s grandmother’s wedding band. I used all those things to make little clicks and sounds to be in the background of what all the pros were doing.

I haven’t heard a recording of the show yet, but I’m interested to hear how it came out. I’m secretly terrified that I screwed things up, but no one gave me any dirty looks, so I guess it was all okay.

It’s funny, one of the most amazing things about my trip was that I was only responsible for myself. I woke up in the morning and just had to wash, dress and feed ME. Then, I got to decide what I wanted to do. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to be so self-absorbed! I love taking care of my family, but it felt so nice to check in with myself and rediscover my own likes and interests. I think I fall under the spell of believing, perhaps a little subconsciously, that a “good” mother puts everyone else first all the time. I somehow worry that if I put myself first it means that I’m not dedicated enough, don’t love my kids enough, that I’m not doing it right. That’s really stupid, though. I want my children, especially my girls, to see me do things for myself. I want them to recognize that I’m a person, that I have a life outside of caring for them. I want to inspire them to go do fun things and fit as much adventure into their lives as possible.

And now, I must go make some lunches and pick up some children, do some laundry and wash some dishes. And I’m totally okay with that.

5 thoughts on “hey, look!

  1. Susan

    Oh I love that paragraph about taking care of yourself! I also fall under that Good Mommy spell, and when I am freed from it, it is so liberating.

    And it makes me a better mother, I think.

    Welcome home.

  2. Janeen

    How totally cool! Doing stuff just for yourself is good, nay essential. Please keep doing it and have no guilt about it. How did I miss it that you got your hair cut? Looks great!

  3. Lin

    Holding my lighter up at your coolness and ohmygod, your plane flew over water, at great height, and you made it! (hee hee)

    Can’t wait to hear some more about the trip, Jen.

  4. Scruffymoo cards

    Taking time away from your family for a short trip is not a bad thing now and then because it really shows you how much you miss and appreciate them when you see them again.


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