I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off

Lots of Bright Eyes on the rotation this week. 

I was a little over ambitious tonight when I went back to the yoga studio after a month or so off, and I ended up after the class sitting in my car clutching a reusable Whole Foods bag, certain I was going to throw up all that water I’d been drinking today to get hydrated.  But, I didn’t, so yay!

I had to stop a lot during the class, too, and I didn’t even bother with child’s pose, I just flung myself down right on my back until the spinning stopped because I don’t care if anyone thinks I can’t hack it.  Right now, I sort of can’t.  Turns out that all that crying has left me a little empty and weak.

Several times when the teacher talked about breath and focusing on it and appreciating it and cultivating it and sending it to tight places in your body it made me cry.  My dad had multiple medical problems, but the worst thing was that he couldn’t breathe very well.  He died because his lungs weren’t able to hold his breath anymore, so his oxygen level dipped low, and then lower and then so low he died.  And I was going back and forth between focusing on taking care of my own body, in hopes that something like that won’t happen to me, and feeling this weird guilt that I can breathe so deeply and easily.  I won’t ever take it for granted again after seeing him struggle. 

One thought on “I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off

  1. Farmer Gal

    I hopped over to your blog from an example listed with BlogHer, and just wanted to say… I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my dad almost three years ago, and I can relate to your pain. Seeing your father, or any loved one, suffer can really make you wonder why it has to happen that way, while others are walking around and living perfectly normal lives. I had a hard time with that. Still do. But I will tell you… Time helps! And so does talking, praying, and devoting yourself to thinking about the good things going on in your life. Prayers for you as you go through this time of grieving. :)

    Reply

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