I’ve Got Flu: the wrath of Khan

Know what’s a total trip?  Watching Star Trek II (the wrath of Khan) under the influence of a 103 fever.  For me, that trippyness is intensified by the fact that I rarely get fevers.  Appendicitis?  No fever.  Several ear infections with ruptured bleeding eardrum?  No fever.  Fevers knock me flat on my ass.  So, last night I sat wrapped in one of the boys’ dinosaur quilts, shivering and watching Star Trek II with all the kids (this makes me sound much more of a cool nerd than I really am.  Introducing Kirstie Alley!  Who knew?)  But given the brain sizzle I had going it was hard to focus. 

Still is, truth be told.

Anyway, there is this part where Khan (question for Trekkies: Did Ricardo Montalban slice off his nipples for that role?  It was both distracting and skeevy to find that I was searching for a little bit of nipple to poke out of that vest.  I didn’t want to see it, but I knew I’d feel better knowing they existed.  JUST SAYIN.)


So there was this part where two guys get the little mind control pincher beetles dropped into their helmet (by Khan) so that the bugs can tunnel into the ears of the men, latch onto their cerebral cortexes and allow Khan to control their minds. 

According to google, this Simply. Isn’t. Possible.

Your search – "from the ear canal to the cerebral cortex" – did not match any documents. 

And, even if it were, a munched cerebral cortex isn’t worth controlling, and WHY did Chekov not have any resultant hearing loss or even a little brain damage once he was saved?  And, the other guy (Terrell I learned from this SUPER geeky site. You were warned.), Kirk could have been a TAD more grateful, you think?

But, besides the nipples and costumes (Bones.  Those pants he wore when he brought Jim the birthday hootch?  So wrong! He was still the hottest crew member, after Lt. Uhura, of course.)  I looked for a shot of the pants, but they elude me.  Have some Belushi instead!


So, besides the search for nipples (heh Star Trek III: The Search for Nipples!), and the costumes (space, the final 70s frontier!) what intrigued me was the brain bugs.  Because, in case I haven’t complained at you about this yet, I have a bad-ass weevil or two in my brain.   I’ve had a fever since Thursday (it’s Saturday night right now) and I have coughed so much that my back and neck now feel like they are made up of thousands of little achy penny sized muscles that are wired strictly for pain.  My head and face are in an evil vise that will not let me sleep and hurts so much my eyes water.  I’m S I C K.  And I was thinking about the concept of brain bugs and then viruses in general and it came to me that viruses?  Are totally alien life forms who are here to fuck with humans.  And cows.  Birds, too. 

See, first Sophie got sick.  She started with a headache, followed up with fever and coughing, and was knocked out of action for six days.  Then, Willow and Nate got it, followed by me.  We’ve all had the same exact symptoms, only they actually get to NAP because I don’t jump on them and say I LOVE YOU while they are sleeping it off. They all missed a week of school, and I missed work on Friday.

Strangely, other people I know but have not sneezed on, have had the exact same illness.  Lots of other people.  And, I cannot help but wonder in my fever induced haze, if the virus isn’t cognizant and able to organize and give orders about what to do once it tunnels from the ear into the cerebral cortex.  Forget what I said earlier about it being impossible, my brain HURTS.  Bugs totally got in there.

So, that is that.  I’m still sick.  Every strand of muscle I have aches, I am making no sense, and I’m being controlled by brain bugs.

8 thoughts on “I’ve Got Flu: the wrath of Khan

  1. mamadaisy

    you got the fever alright! i’m sorry you’re so sick, but your writing is mighty entertaining in the meantime. i hope the evil mind control bugs leave you soon!

  2. Kimmie

    I seem to gage my illnesses by what was on TV at the time. It was all really trippy.

    Gallbladder surgery—that VH1 re-united band series.

    Flu bug Christmas ’05—LazyTown and Scooby Doo Monsters Unleashed.

    Strep a few weeks ago—Fairly Odd Baby episode.

  3. kristy

    would it be wrong of me to wish you a slow recovery, so that we can get more of these posts? maybe you can be put on codeine next??


  4. paige

    /ubergeek/ Ricardo Montalban wore a prosthetic chest for this movie /ubergeek/

    Seriously. I feel bad that I even know that, but there you go…misspent youth and all that.


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