The grossest thing EVER. I am not kidding.

I should have known the morning was going to be a wash when I opened the last container of soy milk for my coffee and it was all chunky.  Ewww (but not nearly as ewww as what happened next).  This was a new-to-me brand of soy milk because Trader Joe’s was out of my usual (organic, sugar free, plain soy milk), so maybe it’s always like that.  Whatever; I can drink my coffee black.   Know what I can’t take, though?

If you have been reading here for awhile, you may know that my husband has reptiles.  He’s got an iguana, five snakes, and a monitor lizard, along with a couple of tarantulas, a scorpion, Madagascar hissing cockroaches and a very recently expired walking stick. 

The monitor lizard has a little cage with a heater that looks like a rock.  A hot rock, like this one.  The hot rock plugs into a power strip that is down on the floor, at the bottom of the stack of cages.  Two things happened recently, two things that have the girls and I locked away in my bedroom while the rest of the house has the windows and doors open to the cold morning air.

  1. the lizard ate two rats
  2. somehow, the hot rock got unplugged

That means that the lizard, being cold-blooded, got too cold to digest his meal.  So, guess what he did?  He barfed partly digested rat all inside his cage.

I am so done.  I want a fucking dog already.  Anyhow, John cleaned it up, but the smell, sweet baby Jesus, the smell, is awful.  I can’t even go in the living room.  My first thought was that I’d take the girls and leave, but if we go off and leave the front door open, which is HAS TO BE for awhile, then I’m afraid that the squirrels will come in and party while we’re gone.  In fact, they could be shredding the couch in the living room right now, since we took away their swing cushion supply of polyfill that they were stealing for their nest

So, Sophie is playing games on the desktop computer, I’m in bed with Willow and her Care Bears, and the squirrels are partying in the living room.  Sophie is supposed to have a friend come home with her today after school.  I’m totally going to make John take all the kids to the park, but first I’m going to freecycle that monitor lizard. 

8 thoughts on “The grossest thing EVER. I am not kidding.

  1. Julie tilsner

    OK you’re right. I concede defeat.
    That’s a *really* f-ing bad day.
    I was prepared for poop, cockroaches, vomit…lots of standard stuff.
    But partially-digested, regurgitated rat bits?

  2. FishyGirl

    *keels over* OMG. Reptiles and partially digested rat bits? OMG. *shudder* That’s quite the menagerie you’ve got there. I hope tomorrow greets you in a much more …. clean manner? At least, a better smelling way. You know what I mean.

    I usually lurk, but I wanted to let you know I love your blog and your photos rock.

  3. AMG

    As a reptile lover I can kind of sympathize with your husband…we had hissing cockroaches and snakes and lizards and turtles growing up, and I have a lizard and two turtles now (along with my dog). Let me tell you, dogs puke too, and it’s not pretty either. The smell isn’t as bad, but the clean up is pretty nasty.

  4. michelle

    well i, for one, would gladly offer to help you clean up any dog vomit, any time, any day. especially if it contained bits of partially digested monitor lizard. mwaa-haa-haa.


  5. Danielle

    Oh dear Lord… I think you just used up my entire ration of sympathy for the year. I cannot even imagine.

    Here’s hoping today brings fresher tidings!


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