There will be

much cussing, so read only if that is okay with you.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FUCK THE FUCKING BUGS THAT ATE TWO MORE OF MY SWEATERS!!!  FUCK THEM AND THE HORSE THEY RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have lost, I bet, about two thousand dollars worth of clothes to some mystery invisible moth things.  And, just when a few months go by without problems, I find this:



The black one is a button-up lambswool cardigan, WITH A HOOD, and the camel one is a merino wool turtleneck that my sister gave to me.  AND as if that weren’t enough of a wardrobe glitch, this happened today as well:





Okay, that last one up there is a happy one.  It’s a shot of some of the fabric I scored at Stone Mountain Daughter when I went to Berkeley with my mom last year.  I have to make a tooth fairy pillow for the kids with the (DUH!) red and the green that I could look at all day has super secret plans for someone. 

Today I spent many hours cleaning up in my bedroom.  Sorting and recycling and throwing away.  I finally got up the what? nerve? to get out the camera I brought home from Texas.  It belonged to my mother’s father, and my grandmother gave it to me when we were there two weeks ago.  I miss him too much still to be confronted with physical things like that.  But, I really wanted to look at it, because it was his and it’s a really cool old camera.  See?



When I unsnapped the leather case, to look at it, something unexpected happened.  It smelled like him.  Strongly.  And I spent quite a while crying.  I can’t even type about it without crying more.  And I realize that after being here for awhile, it won’t smell like him anymore and that makes me cry harder.  I miss him very very much. 

3 thoughts on “There will be

  1. mamadaisy

    a few years ago my mom gave me the dresser that she and my father bought when they got married. he’s been dead and gone for 15+ years, but when i opened that top drawer, it smelled like his handkerchiefs. oh how it made me cry to remember that scent after so long! it is a powerful memory.

    maybe the camera will keep his scent for longer than you think. i hope so.

  2. Lin

    Between the collapsing closet rail and the moths/silverfish bus issue, I truly was sitting here saying, “Aw…oh fuck…oh, awww/.” I felt your pain. Still, you can continue to bask in the glow of being carded.

    (maybe exterminators need to be called in)

  3. still life

    “…something unexpected happened. It smelled like him. Strongly”. Mmmmmmmm Yes. Beautiful.

    They don’t make those like they used to, both the camera and those types of sentences.


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