We got BOTH kinds a music!*

*name that movie!

I am not willing to invest the time to find out if it’s real, but there may (or may not) be a country (and western!) song titled, "You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat."

I’d love to hear the punked up version of that one.

Summer is almost here, and though I realize that I’ve written enough posts about missing my kids lately, I have to say that I’m feeling it even more now.  This will be the first summer that I haven’t been here with them during the week.  No making juice popsicles and then yelling at the kids to leave the freezer closed until after lunch.  No hanging out in our jammies with the windows open, having breakfast after 9 and reading bedtime stories before lunch.  No laziness.  It’s true that being all together 24/7 can be really damn hard, but there are so many sweet moments that I miss.  I miss them so much that sometimes I can’t breathe, and it’s better to just not even think about it too much.

What I need to do, since I can’t be here like I want to be, is create those moments on Sunday mornings.  Planned spontaneous unstructured moments, I guess.  And I need to remember to be thankful to have these kids in my life, instead of all morose because I have to be away from them more than I want to be in order to support them.  My former husband told me that I’m the kind of person who isn’t happy unless they are unhappy.  I don’t know if he really thinks that (probably) or if he just said it because it was a good ingredient for the disagreement we were having.  I do know, though, that I don’t want to be that person.  I don’t want to be so bitter about what I don’t have that I miss the amazingness of what I do have.  I want to be happy even though things are different that I’d like.  It’s a place I can get to and stay in if I really make an effort. 

5 thoughts on “We got BOTH kinds a music!*

  1. Assertagirl

    “I want to be happy even though things are different that I’d like.”

    Um, you said it!

    I never thought that striving to be happy would be something I’d have to work at, even when everything seems just fine and dandy from the outside.

    Your Sunday morning plan sounds like a good one!

  2. lizriz

    “I don’t want to be so bitter about what I don’t have that I miss the amazingness of what I do have.”

    Amen! I struggle with that sometimes, too.

  3. jenijen

    Assertagirl ~ don’t you wish that the truth that happiness is hard work had been shared with us a little earlier? then we wouldn’t feel so rotten when it’s not just there, waiting for us.

    furiousBall ~ awwww yeah. i once decided a guy was totally not for me over that movie. he’d never seen it, so i made him watch it and he was all “meh.” it was over right then.

    liz ~ i think we all do. just saying it helps me feel better. words are so awesome.

    sarah! you typed it with the emphasis in the exact right spot. i am going to have to watch that this weekend. with my kids! they’ve not seen it yet. must fix that asap.


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