Define “hands-free”

So the other morning I was getting ready to drive to the office and I was talking to Jenny about work stuff, and we weren’t done talking and I needed to go BUT I didn’t have my phone headphones because I left them on my desk at work, so I put my phone on speaker and sort of shouted at it and then held it near my ear so I could hear.

I brought the phone close to my mouth, and yelled, I don’t think this counts as hands-free; it’s way more distracting than just holding the phone to my ear. I’d better call you when I get to the office.

Just do what I do, Jenny said. Stick it in your bra!

Luckily I had on a scoop neck top, so I just put the iPhone into the iCleavage, and then talked to my boobs like they were Jenny for the next forty five minutes.

You totally won’t see that in a Victoria’s Secret ad. But you should!