Stars when you shine you know how I feel



I am having what I guess you'd call a midlife crisis, though I've been told that it's totally justified.  I'm not going to whine all the details out here, but I will say that my kids are fine, work is great, and my love life is awesome, but I'm still feeling really sad and lost and even lonely, in a way. 

My commute to work three days a week is this thing I embrace and dread.  It takes forfuckingevah to go those 35 miles, but I get to listen to whatever I want if there aren't any conference calls planned, and I do drive on what has to be the most beautiful freeway in the world.  I have my iPod full of This American Life and The Moth and The Sound of Young America, plus all my favorite music.  Today I was especially teary, so I put on Nina Simone and sang along, Theatrical Style, not caring that 9 out of 10 drivers thought I was a total dork, because I saw one other driver smile at me in the rearview mirror of his Caddy and start snapping to what must have been Sammy Davis, Jr. based on the beat he was keeping.  And I blasted Nirvana, and Elton John, and Sia, and sang along with all of them, loud and off key and with passion.  It was fun.  It's especially fun to be driving a minivan and have the dashboard buzzing because the music is cranked up way too high.

12 thoughts on “Stars when you shine you know how I feel

  1. ameliamarie

    I have been following your blog for nearly 8 months now. I find your blogging moving, touching, amusing, and thoroughly enjoyable. Your ‘voice’ is pitch perfect and I feel like i am checking in on a friend, i have come to think of you as a friend, (I don’t want that to be creepy – sorry if it is)

    I just felt that it was time for me to chime in. I don’t know anything magical to say to make it better – just hang in there:

    “Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow. ~ Radmacher”

  2. Some other Dad

    Like amelia, I picked up your blog sometime in the middle of last year. I can relate to some of the things you’ve blogged about and are going through – both as a witness and in my own “issues”. For me, I found I just needed a way to get my focus back. I was letting the little details of life bother me, which stood in the way letting me REALLY love the things I wanted.

  3. Shawna

    I often feel lonely in a crowd myself. Not exactly what you describe but similar enough that I can feel your discomfort.

    And yay for me…I LOVE TAL, have just recently subscribed to the Moth on the recommendation of a friend and today got another which I will surely enjoy. Thanks!

  4. jenijen

    Thanks, everyone. Sorry I didn’t check back in sooner. Van – can you do any Louis Armstrong?

    AmeliaMarie – thank you for your kind words. It’s not creepy – some of my very best friends have no idea I exist. Heh.

    Some other Dad – why is it always the little things? I’m working on focus as well.

    Shawna – doesn’t Ira Glass just make your knees jelly? 🙂

  5. IzzyMom

    Glad I’m not the only one with TAL on their iPod! And really, I can relate. Went through something similar about 6 months ago. Not sure if it was a midlife crisis or what but it sucked.

  6. IzzyMom

    Ha…me again. It just popped into my head…I vaguely remember reading that Muse song was a cover. Nina Simone? Edith Piaf? Probably Nina Simone since you mentioned her, right?


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