I finally got myself over to Bad Mom’s Coffee this morning, and I’m hoping to make it a regular thing and to regularly get there earlier and to skip the part where I drive to the wrong town even with the stellar directions. (And, possibly, to repeat the BLT on a bagel.) It was great to see everyone. I need my people.
So, I started on this funky birth control ring thing awhile back. I was super happy thinking that I’d found the perfect solution to my personal overpopulation tendencies (although, in all fairness, I got pregnant while using an IUD –it’s not like I’m all hot to have as many kids as god gives me or something). I hate birth control pills because they do to me whatever tequila does to a mean drunk: it’s like me, only minus any nice or tact or caring who gets their feelings hurt. Also, taking a pill at the same time every single day
ha ha ha ha ha ha
No. Not happening.
So, the ring. No pills to take, nothin much to do (except remember to remove it, which I of course didn’t the first month) except not get pregnant. All good! The doctor told me that the hormone dose was lower than the pill, and that I wouldn’t feel like strangling everyone who breathed or walked near me.
The first month I was on it, I felt pregnant. Nausea, t i r e d, nausea, weight gain (bing! instantly put on something like 7 pounds) nausea, bloated stomach, nausea, headaches, MOODYNESS beyond belief, and barfing.
I decided to stick with it, just in case it took a little while to get acclimated. Now I’m about a week into the second month and all I do is:
- try not to barf
- have weird abdominal pain
- feel like killing people (even the nice ones)
- eat a full meal and have real, honest, HUNGER PANGS after
- think bad things about everything
- hate stuff
- shake my fist at the sky
Finally, I remembered the awesomeness of the internets, and I poked around. Seems I’m not the only one. So, I’m done with the wonder ring. I’d rather have another kid than be this kind of mother to mine. May I never accuse my children of all passionately hating me ever, ever, again. Amen.
Also, I owe John a huge apology.