i know you think you’re the queen of the underground

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I finally got myself over to Bad Mom’s Coffee this morning, and I’m hoping to make it a regular thing and to regularly get there earlier and to skip the part where I drive to the wrong town even with the stellar directions.  (And, possibly, to repeat the BLT on a bagel.)  It was great to see everyone.  I need my people.

So, I started on this funky birth control ring thing awhile back.  I was super happy thinking that I’d found the perfect solution to my personal overpopulation tendencies (although, in all fairness, I got pregnant while using an IUD –it’s not like I’m all hot to have as many kids as god gives me or something).  I hate birth control pills because they do to me whatever tequila does to a mean drunk: it’s like me, only minus any nice or tact or caring who gets their feelings hurt.  Also, taking a pill at the same time every single day

ha ha ha ha ha ha

No.  Not happening.

So, the ring.  No pills to take, nothin much to do (except remember to remove it, which I of course didn’t the first month) except not get pregnant.  All good!  The doctor told me that the hormone dose was lower than the pill, and that I wouldn’t feel like strangling everyone who breathed or walked near me. 

The first month I was on it, I felt pregnant.  Nausea, t i r e d, nausea, weight gain (bing! instantly put on something like 7 pounds) nausea, bloated stomach, nausea, headaches, MOODYNESS beyond belief, and barfing. 

I decided to stick with it, just in case it took a little while to get acclimated.  Now I’m about a week into the second month and all I do is:

  • cry
  • try not to barf
  • have weird abdominal pain
  • sleep
  • feel like killing people  (even the nice ones)
  • eat a full meal and have real, honest, HUNGER PANGS after
  • think bad things about everything
  • hate stuff
  • shake my fist at the sky

Finally, I remembered the awesomeness of the internets, and I poked around.  Seems I’m not the only one.  So, I’m done with the wonder ring.  I’d rather have another kid than be this kind of mother to mine.  May I never accuse my children of all passionately hating me ever, ever, again.  Amen.

Also, I owe John a huge apology.        

7 thoughts on “i know you think you’re the queen of the underground

  1. erin

    Well, crap. There goes one of my not-the-pill hopes down the drain. I get killer migraines while on the pill and am going to have to explore some kind of birth control option once baby #2 arrives in July (contrary to my husband’s opinion, I do NOT want a third child). I guess we’ll have to see what my OB recommends when the time comes… 🙂

  2. jennifer r

    I can’t handle the emotional reprocussions of birth control. Just like you said. The spouse managed to make it in for the man-procedure. Inexpensive (insurance, yeah) and easy. No missed work. No complications.

  3. Kate


    I stumbled upon your blog today, and just thought I would share that I too am one of those who became a MONSTER while on the NuvaRing. I was so disappointed because it seemed awesome at first, but the headaches, moodiness and downright bitchiness were too much.

    I tried Alesse after that, and was instantly relieved of all negative symptoms. 🙂

    Good luck!

  4. Robbin

    Oh, there is so no reason to feel pregnant unless you are and are getting a reward at the end of nine months! Good luck finding an alternative!!

  5. cakebaker

    I am not alone! Thanks, internet. Since I hit my 30’s, I am unable to tolerate birth control pills – which has resulted in my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years, aack! Condoms – just don’t work for us, both of us hate the things. The pill makes me so crazy, with hot flashes to boot. Luckily, my awesome ob/gyno told me not to try the ring or the shot, given my history he knew they’d be awful for me. He did recommend the IUD, but I’ve heard stories like yours before. Oh yeah, and a friend of mine on the ring got pg with twins when her baby was 5 months old – aack! It looks like my only hope is sterilization.


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