I need to
vent complain. I know how tiresome that is, so I’ll ditch it under the jump.
I’m not a happy camper.
all mostly stupid stuff that’s getting to me, but there’s so much of it that I feel like I’m covered in really thick mud, both physically and mentally. I can’t think clearly because I have so much on my mind, and I can’t get things done because I’m practically paralyzed by all the things I feel like I need to do.
What I want to do is sit in the corner with headphones on and tune everyone out like a sullen teenager.
I think that most of my problems would be solved if I could just get my house clean and organized. I have these visions of rooms that smell nice and aren’t so FULL of crap everywhere.
My grand master plan is to get all the kids a twin bed and giant toy box each, and then whatever toys fit in the toybox (at the foot of their bed) are the toys in their rooms. Period. They don’t have to get rid of anything; they can store the overflow in the garage in big bins and switch it out whenever.
I imagine cleaning their rooms only taking ten or fifteen minutes (by them) and I see my life improving.
I want to gradually rid the living room of all toys, and that makes me feel better, too.
See? Kinda stupid stuff, but for me it’s a huge quality of life issue. I’m here ALL the time, and if my surroundings were nicer, I wouldn’t be such a raving angry mother so often.
Healthwise things are not too great, either. When I was hospitalized with the mystery heart issues last month, one of the doctors told me that I might have Lupus.
I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, yet. I already have one autoimmune disorder, and it can be one part of lupus. Lately I’m feeling like I have arthritis in my neck (almost 24/7 pain. maybe that’s why I’m depressed?) and my right hand. My joints ache, right now it’s my left shoulder. Something is wrong, I know that much. I’m hoping that I don’t have lupus, for obvious reasons. Not knowing what’s wrong is also pretty crappy.
Now that I’m working from home, my computer is flirting with crapping out on me, and I don’t have good enough credit or enough in savings to get a laptop. I’m working on saving for one, and it’ll happen. I know that will improve things, too.
Right now, there’s a pretty sunset out my bedroom window if I turn far enough to see it, and I’ve got supper in the oven. It smells really good, and it’s something the kids like. I’m listening to Pandora. I’ll get things how they need to be. I just wish I could make it happen faster.
I sincerely hope that no one has read all this. I feel a little better typing it out. Sometimes I just need to step back and get perspective to see that my problems are not really all that large.