Last night I came home from yoga and instead of going straight to the shower like a reasonable person, I went straight to the kitchen. Immediately the kids started demanding food (though they’d eaten already) and that is how I found myself standing at the stove in stinky and more than damp clothes, drinking a glass of wine (from a tiny, quilted, glass jelly jar that I should really return to my mom) and trying to pop popcorn on the stove top while also eating hummus and chips.
You think that’s a lot to deal with; I didn’t even describe what the kids were doing.
Anyhay, earlier in the day, Lex made smoothies for everyone. The blender bottom was still sitting out on the counter, in front of the toaster and just to the right of where I was popping, sipping, dipping, shivering, and stinking. (please don’t hate me for my oxford comma) Since my tiny kitchen was made at a time (the 1970s) when builders must have figured that the wave of the future was TV dinners and therefore, why bother, really, with much of a kitchen at all, there is Very Limited Space in my kitchen. So I put the little plastic sack of popcorn on the blender bottom because there wasn’t anywhere else and I couldn’t reach the top cabinet shelf where I wanted to put it and still do what I was doing.
In walks Sophie. She’s pissed off because when she sat down to eat some french fries, Nathan got on the computer and it was
H E R T U R N STILL!
She was fidgeting and whining and started messing with the buttons on the (plugged in) blender base. Since the top wasn’t attached, I thought, it wouldn’t do anything. ** It would be funny, I thought, to pretend to jump when she pushed the buttons. You know, like something was going to happen. Ha ha ha. So I did that, and she laughed. And then she pushed at the buttons more and I jumped and said AHHHHH! And then she did it again, and the spinny thing that makes the blade of the assembled blender spin started to go and it ripped open the plastic sack of popcorn and sprayed popcorn kernels All Over the smallest kitchen in the west. One piece of corn hit me right in the lip and it hurt. Another landed under the burner that I’d just turned off because the popcorn was finished and as I held the leaking bag in one hand and took the popcorn off the burner with the other I leaned forward and took the tiny jelly jar in my teeth and upended the rest of the wine down the hatch.
The little popcorn kernel that landed under the burner then got hot enough to POP.
** that would be the cuisinart, jen