Do you do this too? Do you feel cold, look at the thermostat and see that it’s around 70 degrees and then think, Well, I shouldn’t be cold, it’s not cold in here. Or, do you feel sleepy, only to look at the clock and see that it’s 6pm and then you think, I can’t believe I’m ready for bed, it’s only 6’oclock!
I do this to myself all the time. Whether it’s about feeling hungry, tired, too hot or cold, or whatever. I will find that number, and then tell myself that I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling because, basically, the numbers aren’t supporting it. (I just ate a couple hours ago, I shouldn’t be hungry! I got eight hours of sleep, I shouldn’t be drowsy.) It’s really stupid, and I *know* I do it, but still I do it. And, I spend a silly amount of time thinking about stuff like that. Wondering if forever ago, before there were clocks, people looked at the sun or stars and readjusted their attitudes about sleeping and eating based on the should bes. I kinda doubt it.
Even today, when I was alone (holly-lew-ya!) in the van I did something similar with my ipod. I had it on shuffle, and all the songs that came up spoke to me in a way. I let it mean, for a few minutes, much more than the coincidence it was. And earlier, my scale, my notoriously erroneous digital bathroom scale, said that I weighed a number that is a pound less than any number I’ve weighed since before Willow came along. It was probably wrong, but I decided not to double check and I had such better self confidence today. Over the difference of one number on a scale that I KNOW is wonky. Maybe I should just tape fake numbers on the thing and be done with it.