I’ve been interested in this for a long time, but never got up the nerve to read my old journals. Today, rather than catch up on laundry or do dishes (my now-deformed belly button (thanks for saving my life and all, but did you have to mutilate my belly?) started hurting so I had to take to the couch) I decided to brave it.
Did I physically cringe when I read that stuff? Oh, yes. Yes I did.
Part of the cringing is from how boring the entries are. The oldest journal I found is one that I started in January of 1980, but I clearly remember that one of my earlier ones had months of dated pages that I never filled in. My solution was to go through later and write, in black ballpoint pen, "Reg. day at school." on every single page. I hope I do find that one someday, because, well, just because.
Here’s part of an entry from 1982. I was twelve.
. . . maybe he will like me someday.
I have a new skirt. I found it at soccer practice. It is a Gunnie Sac. It is a size 5 juniors, I can’t wear it yet. I always wanted a prarie skirt.
See what I mean? I always wanted a prairie skirt? Here’s a photo of an entry a few pages later on.
Left to right: much younger versions of Mel Gibson, Timothy Hutton, and John Stamos. I don’t remember who the other guy is, but I think he was on All My Children.
I was thinking, as I cringed through the pages, how very, very glad I am that I didn’t have blog access at this time in my life. I wonder how many kids who are now blogging their adolescence will be legally changing their names when they turn 30 to escape from their online journals. Or, maybe so many people will be in the same boat that they won’t worry about it.
I’m not even sure what to do with my journals. I don’t particularly want my great-grandkids looking to them for clues as to what I was like and I certainly don’t enjoy reading them, but it seems wrong to burn them or put them in the trash. Maybe I’ll salvage the worthwhile pages and toss the rest. I still am shocked, seriously shocked, to see how frequent and how passionate my crushes were. I always thought I was such a smart girl.