I just lost my hippie-mama street cred.  This morning Nate had a dental appt (another cavity.  gah) and on the way home with five hungry kids and some cash in my pocket I got an idea.  I say, "I," when really it must’ve been demons temporarily possessing my brain, because I wouldn’t have said what I did, which was, "Hey, I know, let’s go through the McDunderhill’s drive thru!"

I have taken my kids there three times: once on a Texas road trip, once on a Santa Rosa road trip, and once when they had incredibly bad Spy Kid fever and there was a toy that they had to have before it killed them not to. 

At my suggestion, eight little eyes full of hope and happiness and mewling newborn kittens looked up at me.  Willow’s eyes were number nine and ten and they were scrunched up due to a screaming fit brought on by leaving the dentist’s office without every. single. toy. in the prize box.  She’s never partaken of the McDoody’s drive thru, and didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.  My boys were holding their breath, and they said, "Really, mom?"

"Sure!  Let’s go!"

Of course, I had to find out from a six and eight year old where there even was one with a drive through window.  We got there, we ordered (don’t get me started on the atrocious "girl" and "boy" meals.  girls get barbie stuff, boys get cars.  I get super pissed off and want to strangle the head of marketing), and faster than I could have buttered a slice of bread, we drove off with our stinky, greasy bags. 


Did I mention that I read Fast Food Nation?  And still, there I was,
supporting this blight on humanity.  Now I have something really awful
to feel badly about.  That and the fact that my nearly twenty year
vegetarian, committed environmentalist, sane husband will probably make
me sleep on the couch forever and ever when he discovers that I got his
sweet, innocent daughter fries and a sprite.  But they don’t cook the
fries in beef grease anymore do they?  Do they???

We got home and everyone ate.  Man, those fries are salty.  After
lunch, the kids played outside.  It’s a cool summer day.  I was feeling
good that they were out instead of watching a video or playing a
computer game.  They were outside!  I was beginning to redeem myself!
Yay me!

Then I discovered what they were burying in the shoe box.  They told
me they wanted the shovel to bury a time capsule.  The time capsule was
in a converse all star box.  I told them that the box wouldn’t last
long buried in the mud as it was made of cardboard.  Don’t worry, they
said, we’re doing a three minute time capsule.   Finally, I discovered that in the box was Woody, and they were trying to kill him.  See?  Feed your kids McDookie’s and they turn into Sid!  I got Woody washed and he’s out drying in the sun.  His talk box still works, but I’m afraid to bring him back in the house in case he seeks revenge. 

Now the boys are playing a geography board game.  I tricked them into it by saying, Hey, mind if I give this game away?  I can hear them right now, trying to think of the names of all the great lakes. 

11 thoughts on “monday

  1. jess

    I have to say you can keep that cred! because any mother with four children who has only been to the evil mcdrive-thru three times rocks hard in my book. Wait did you say five kids?

    You’re amazing. What actually killed me most last time we went (shhh..) was how much it cost! Cheap food my ass.

  2. Jenijen

    I don’t have five all the time, but this week I’m babysitting one of the boys’ friends that I would take as my own in a heartbeat!

    I wonder if the hippies will ever get organized enough to make a healthy, cheap, family-friendly drive thru. A girl can dream.

  3. Donna

    Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

    Besides, if you don’t give ’em the Happy Meal once in a while, they’re gonna grow up thinking that McD’s is a forbidden (i.e., wonderful) place. Better to let ’em have it once in a great while.

  4. katie

    i just did the same thing, only it was to myself. i’ve been somehow craving a disgusting, tiny mcdonald’s cheeseburger for weeks. so i got one sunday, my first in at least five years. and it rumbled around in my belly laughing at me for being such an idiot, and then came out all at once in a manner i won’t describe on the sacred internet. let’s just say it will be another ten years before i even consider looking at another cheeseburger from that evil place.

  5. elayne

    Jen, do you notice how I’m being very very very VERY quiet over here? LM(sftadmdtt)AO…*

    *Laughing My (substantial from the almost daily McDonald’s drive-through trips) Ass Off

  6. Jill

    loved this post! just started reading your blog…our boys (at 13 and 16) have only eaten at McD’s 3 or 4 times. They will not voluntarily eat there ever. (and they are carnivores!) We were vegetarians for 10 years and then I gave birth to 2 meat eaters. Ah well..they also eat tofu.
    I read Fast Food Nation, too. So sad to think the food production of our entire country was altered (and not in a good way) by fast food.

  7. mar

    I’ve read the book. I almost never go to the McNightmare (or any other fast food) and really don’t want my kids to eat such crap but somehow I have been there, with the kids, twice(!!!!) this summer, out of sheer desperation to feed the kids without getting out of the car.

    Last week I was in the drive thru lane at the bank and my son was all “Are we getting a Happy Meal mama?” and I was all “I think I may have to erase your memory bank or else just go home and drown myself because I am such a bad granola mom!” Damn! They learn the wrong stuff so fast!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *