I just lost my hippie-mama street cred. This morning Nate had a dental appt (another cavity. gah) and on the way home with five hungry kids and some cash in my pocket I got an idea. I say, "I," when really it must’ve been demons temporarily possessing my brain, because I wouldn’t have said what I did, which was, "Hey, I know, let’s go through the McDunderhill’s drive thru!"
I have taken my kids there three times: once on a Texas road trip, once on a Santa Rosa road trip, and once when they had incredibly bad Spy Kid fever and there was a toy that they had to have before it killed them not to.
At my suggestion, eight little eyes full of hope and happiness and mewling newborn kittens looked up at me. Willow’s eyes were number nine and ten and they were scrunched up due to a screaming fit brought on by leaving the dentist’s office without every. single. toy. in the prize box. She’s never partaken of the McDoody’s drive thru, and didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation. My boys were holding their breath, and they said, "Really, mom?"
"Sure! Let’s go!"
Of course, I had to find out from a six and eight year old where there even was one with a drive through window. We got there, we ordered (don’t get me started on the atrocious "girl" and "boy" meals. girls get barbie stuff, boys get cars. I get super pissed off and want to strangle the head of marketing), and faster than I could have buttered a slice of bread, we drove off with our stinky, greasy bags.
Did I mention that I read Fast Food Nation? And still, there I was,
supporting this blight on humanity. Now I have something really awful
to feel badly about. That and the fact that my nearly twenty year
vegetarian, committed environmentalist, sane husband will probably make
me sleep on the couch forever and ever when he discovers that I got his
sweet, innocent daughter fries and a sprite. But they don’t cook the
fries in beef grease anymore do they? Do they???
We got home and everyone ate. Man, those fries are salty. After
lunch, the kids played outside. It’s a cool summer day. I was feeling
good that they were out instead of watching a video or playing a
computer game. They were outside! I was beginning to redeem myself!
Then I discovered what they were burying in the shoe box. They told
me they wanted the shovel to bury a time capsule. The time capsule was
in a converse all star box. I told them that the box wouldn’t last
long buried in the mud as it was made of cardboard. Don’t worry, they
said, we’re doing a three minute time capsule. Finally, I discovered that in the box was Woody, and they were trying to kill him. See? Feed your kids McDookie’s and they turn into Sid! I got Woody washed and he’s out drying in the sun. His talk box still works, but I’m afraid to bring him back in the house in case he seeks revenge.
Now the boys are playing a geography board game. I tricked them into it by saying, Hey, mind if I give this game away? I can hear them right now, trying to think of the names of all the great lakes.