I’ve got a weak heart. Or a bunch of teeny little blood clots, whatever.
Lemme explain: last Saturday Willow wanted me to take a bath with her. I was all for it until I looked in the tub. When Lex was a baby, I s c r u b b e d the bathtub for all I was worth before each and every one of his baths. My BABY? would be bathed only in a sparkling tub, thankyouverymuch. Now, uh, not so much, and since the kids like bubble baths and no one likes to scrub the tub, it was grody. Alright, so while Willow was stripping, and I was looking under the sink for cleaning supplies, I noticed that the viens on the inside of my left arm were poofy. Think David Banner’s neck when he’s turning into the Hulk:
My arm hurt just the slightest bit, too. Barely enough to register. Also, the lightheadedness I’ve had going on and off for the past almost two years was in full force. I grabbed the sponge and the Mrs. Meyer’s and cleaned the tub, using my left hand to keep me from falling in while I cleaned and my right hand to scrub. When I was finished, I realized that the inside of my wrist was swelling up and that I’d broken some capillaries in there. Now it hurt more, and with the Hulk veins still popped up on just the one arm, my inner hypochondriac nearly fainted with excitement, especially in light of the fact that I’ve had some abnormal heart tests in the past. I called my mom, because that is my mystery ailment MO, and she suggested that maybe I should see a doctor because what if it were a blood clot. At this point, the inner hypochondriac swooned.
Long-ass story short, I went in for round two of bloodwork and doctor time today, and my doctor thinks that I’ve got teensy little tiny baby blood clots in my arm. Maybe. Maybe it’s something else entirely, but she totally agreed that things look Hulky and not right. Also she thoughtfully complimented me on my muscley arms. Somehow she is sure that it will just get better. And I might want to keep it elevated. Good? I think. I don’t know. The lightheadedness I’ve been having may or may not be related to my arm. It could be my inner ear. She has no earthly idea why I feel like I’m going to faint when all I’m doing is sitting down, though she says I do have a funky nerve thing that makes my heartrate drop by twenty beats per minute when I stand up. (Dude, my inner hypochondriac LURVES the internets. Just sayin.)
Right now my inner arm is a full on freak show, and last night my whole left arm kept falling asleep, which (har har har) kept me awake. Now in addition to having fear of huge earthquake rattling around the back of my head, I’ve got fear of tiny blood clots banding together and killing me dead at any moment. There are other fears, too, (like fear of doctor making me give up caffeine and alcohol FER REALZ) but frankly nobody has time for me to list them all out. It’s much more fun to flex, make a Hulk face, and say to the kids Don’t make me angry. . . you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.