Hello, my name is lame ass

A few weeks ago I stopped to get gas at the cheap-o gas station.  I made an idiot out of myself, which is easy to do even on a good day; although in all fairness, that day I blamed the rotten robbie empire.  (Do you have Rotten Robbie in your state?  We love the RR around here.)  They have these big signs over the pump stations that say something about "LONG HOSES; FUEL FROM EITHER SIDE."  The graphic on the sign shows some little car getting gas, parked with the gas tank side away from the pump and the long hose stretched, effortlessly, to the other side.  The happy stick figure customer refuels, without a problem, and motors off on her merry way. 

Except, of course if you have a big old minivan.  See, there was only one opening, because the cheap gas place is popular when gas is nine hundred and fifty seven dollars a drop.  I saw the opening and went for it, even though there wasn’t room to maneuver the van to make the gas tank side be on the pump side.  Because, the sign said it would be okay!  Either side!!!  Refueling!!!

But, I assumed that the sign meant me, when really it was only for everyone else.  I tried several times to squinch closer to the pump, but it became clear after several tries that it was not going to be a go, Houston.  Then I had to cancel out my transaction, find a place to turn around, and get to another pump.  Did I mention the shrieking kids??  In the back of the car?? Freaking right out because they thought we were going to leave without the promised M&M’s??  Yeah.  I want to forget that part.

Finally, I did it.  I got gas!  And there were more parts to the story; painfully embarrassing things that illustrate my wretched driving skills.  That day, while driving away from the gas station, I called home and left a message on the machine to remind myself to blog about my little misadventure.  I said, "Lame ass gets gas!" 

I never wrote that post, but I was reminded of my superior lame-assness tonight while I tried to put a graphic in the sidebar that would link to a survey I’d like to gently implore you to take.  It’s a little personal, but a lot anonymous. 


Taking the survey will be fairly quick, faster than getting gas even if you do it perfectly right the first time.  It’s for a good cause (ME!  I’m good!) and will lead to something that will inspire me to write better quality posts, hopefully.  Today I was the mystery blog at Paper Napkin.  And I am SO grateful for the link love, and also SO sad about the quality of my little current slice here.  b o r i n g !!  Boring with bacon, but boring nonetheless.  Uh, please fill out the survey!  Especially those of you who lurk but never comment.  Please.  Thank you.  That is all. 

7 thoughts on “Hello, my name is lame ass

  1. Sue

    Did the survey. You can put ads on if you want. Anything to avoid working in a cubicle!

    Very funny gas story. I go to the places with the short hoses and inevitably park on the wrong side…I have only had my car 4 years. Doh.


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