I am really feeling this (choose one):

a) depression

b) mid life crisis

c) hormonal funkiness

d) existential angst

e) all of it

Oh, e.  E to the nth.  Ick.  I have nothing to be depressed about, really, so I chide myself for that and feel even worse.  Today, instead of staying inside and dividing my time between waiting on the small people and cleaning up the house, I got out and pulled some weeds.  For three hours.  I got only part of what needed to be done done, but it does look way better.  If there’s no rain tomorrow, I’ll try and finish up.  It was wonderful to be out.  I wore a sweatshirt and jeans and wasn’t hot or cold.  There was a great breeze, the girls played near me but let me do my thing.  Willow probably got giardia from sipping rainwater that had been sitting in a little plastic dish used for the bubble wand, but at least she’d be able to poop then.   

I also cleaned and mopped the kitchen, called the county agency processing my application for health care, wrote a note to the county agency processing my application for health care, went to the fax place with the girls and faxed the note (that trip alone added years to my life.  and to the woman rolling her eyes at Willow for screaming to be let down, if we bother you so much, just let us go in front of you), called my car insurance agent back, cleaned up the gimongus mess in the living room, bathed the girls, made dinner, made more food later for Nathan, which didn’t taste good to him so down the sink it went.  (how does a six year old know the difference between fresh and dehydrated shittake mushrooms when they’re in miso???? HOW?)  What else?  I vacuumed the cobwebs from the corners of our bedroom and the hall and the bathrooms (no spiders were hurt or displaced, John, I promise), and went to the bank (did you know that if you bank with Hell’s Cargo and someone writes YOU a bad check they will put a two day hold on YOUR future deposits???  Even if the check is from a different person.  That was the motivation I needed to make the time and effort to change banks).  Oh let’s not forget washing diapers and two loads of laundry (I was lazy, should’ve done about ten) and mopping the bathroom.  No wonder I’m so hungry.

I’m excited for spring time.  It was good to be outside with Willow today and let her kind of putter around near me without worrying too much about her.  Perhaps this will be the year I improve our yard.  This is the longest I’ve gone after giving birth to Lexy in 10/96 without being pregnant again.  There are 26 months between children #1 and #2; 30 months between #2 and #3, which would have been 26 months, as well, but I had a miscarriage.  Then there are about 20 months between #3 and #4.  I’ve never had a two year old and not been pregnant.  When Sophie turned two, Willow was  three and a half months old.  So, I can’t help but get all misty eyed about not having any more babies.  I love having a baby.  LOVE.  But, it is really nice to see that the demands on my time will become a little more flexible this year.  It’s like I can finally let out my breath again or something.  Yard work appeals to me.  Who’d have guessed that one?

Did I even write about Willow’s birthday?  I don’t think I did.  We had the local family over for cake.  She got really cute clothes.  When she opened them up, she yelled, "Wear!  On!"  And she got great toys that she plays with.  Wow.  How descriptive of me.  She got a playmobile slide with little people, puzzles, books, rubber ducks, and like I said, cute clothes.  And money.  When we change banks I’ll open her a savings account. 

It’s getting hard to keep up with her vocabulary.  Today I heard her say two new things, ‘Surprise’, and ‘OUCH, BE NICE!!’ to Sophie when she was playing too rough in the bathtub.  When she wants to eat she says, ‘Eat, chair,’ chair meaning high chair.  When I put her in the carseat today she yelled at me, ‘HAY! NO SEAT!’  She’s so very two.

There’s more, but I need to be smart and get to sleep.  I just have my own kids tomorrow morning (some days I babysit, because really, what’s the difference??) so I can slack and even take a shower.  Maybe I’ll bake some cookies if it’s raining out. 


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