but isn’t that a little cliche these days? (No offense to any retired bloggers intended)
Jenny talked me down, which actually wasn’t too hard, but even if I had made up my mind to be done, I am sure she’d have been successful because, seriously, have you ever talked to her? She’s funny and can talk you into anything she wants to. It’s her superpower.
I don’t really want to stop blogging. It’s been part of my life for over six and a half years now, and besides all the stuff I’ve recorded that I’d never remember otherwise, my blog has led to my job and some of my most cherished friendships. It’s been around longer than my youngest child, it started before and outlasted my second marriage, and let me be included in an anthology that you can totally order off of Amazon.
But honestly, it’s gotten a little bit weird. Even writing this post is like pulling teeth because a) blogging about my attitude toward blogging? Not exactly interesting. In fact, VERY self-indulgent and booooring, and, b) um. shit. I forgot while I was rewriting the last two and the following three paragraphs (now deleted).
So, I won’t quit, because I don’t think I can. I don’t really want to. But I am feeling a little odd and awkward here. I guess because my life is very much changed since July of 2002, but with just a couple of clicks it’s all right there. Like almost every blogger, the things that make it into posts are not always pointing toward reality, even if they are word-by-word true. I chose to not write much at all about my divorce; and now that the kids are getting older, lots of their stories are off limits. And, while I’d be perfectly happy to put up post after post about how I totally scored (big time) in the love department with SG, my feet are on the ground enough to know that the only person willing to put up with listening to me go on (and on and on and on) about how happy I am is Jenny, and really I am sure she puts the phone on mute and watches something funny on YouTube while I gush. At least I hope she does.
(Damn. This is the part where I backspaced so much my delete key got welded to my finger.)
I should be sleeping, and I’m halfway through my third beer. What am I trying to say here? I don’t even have a clue. I’m restless and impatient and unsettled right now. I’m having a hard time getting back into the demanding rythym of work and school. I really miss yoga. But underneath it all I am happy and content like I never have been before. Which I know makes no sense, but there it is.
I am glad you are sticking around. I haven’t been able to really blog well in a long time. I decided to do the daily blogging this month to see if that will pull something from me. I feel like I don’t have anything meaningful to add to the universe. But, I remember that I started to blog not to be meaningful and better than other bloggers but just to be heard. I am trying to find that again, blogging for me. It is hard.
yeah, you stick around. I like the photos and especially the you
you are a good writer. you will find something to witness even if you can’t share gush and kid and divorce stories.
thanks for staying.
Glad you’re happy and content like never before. Glad you’re sticking around.
I would be really bummed if you quit blogging. I am not a blogger, though so I don’t have any idea how hard it is for you but I enjoy reading you and I totally plan to find you when I move back to SJ this summer. Stalkerish I know but you have a great style of writing.
I think we all go through this, don’t we? I often feel like I have lost my authenticity, that I have to be more guarded, for a lot of reasons. I was pretty close to closing up shop recently too, but realized I like it too much.
All this to say I am happy you are sticking around.
You know, I think that in about 10 years, we’ll be totally charmed by the things that make us cringe now. And anyway, I know we’ll be glad that we recorded all this, so that our memories of these years aren’t clouded by what our kids think we said or did.
The irony being that this post follows one so beautifully written and engaging, much like how you describe reading Wendy above.
Keep writing, please. You know that commenting is an iceberg activity, and that there are far more people who would miss you than you even know about.