Why do I do this

to myself? 

I *know* that gluten and dairy are the devil.  For me, anyway.  But, damn.  The kids had a thin crust cheese pizza for dinner and there was a piece left on the table.  I resisted.  I went to throw it away, but suddenly found that I was eating it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

But, you know, once I have the dairy and gluten in my system, I may as well have cheese and crackers.  Good god do I miss cheese and crackers!  So, I had four or five crackers with some string cheese.  Then I just ate parmesan cheese all by itself (mmmmmmm) and finished up with some blue cheese stuffed olives.

It was lovely.  The best supper I’ve had in ages.  And, tomorrow?  I will feel like death and will probably have gained four or five pounds overnight.  My face will be swollen, I will have a terrible headache centered in the back of my head.  I’ll feel like someone’s taken a good crack at the back of my skull with a baseball bat, actually.  And, I’ll have other issues that don’t need sharing. 

Why do I do this?  It’s not like I have no willpower.  But sometimes, I have NO willpower.  Also, there is a small part of my brain that tells me that these food intolerances are bullshit and that I can eat what I want.  That part, as much as I’d like it to be proven right, is always sorry several hours later.  It’s the part that remembers the fact that my FAVORITE foods are bread, cheese, and ice cream.  The part that knows that the substitutes for those foods suck.  It forgets that it can take me a week to get over a cracker with string cheese. 

It’s going to be a long weekend.   

3 thoughts on “Why do I do this

  1. jennifer ramos

    Remember that episode of The Simpson’s where Lisa keeps putting the cupcake out there, which electrocutes Bart, but he keeps grabbing for it anyway? I can’t do that! Dairy causes so much pain that I’m conditioned to avoid it (but I have lactaid for when I feel like I just need to go with the flow).

    I couldn’t live without bread though.

  2. capello

    oh no! i’m sorry you’re not gonna be feeling well.

    if i could share my allergy, i totally would. i can’t even touch wheat now. just being in my in-law’s house for days made me rashy even though they cleaned very well. at least you get to function in the world without rashes, right? right?

    (dude. i’m trying to find the silver lining here)


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