My mom sent me this email. Too funny:

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your Kid a Military Deferment

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, It’s What’s for Dinner

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your Children

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The Government of the Future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees – The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak Made Easy

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare.

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education – a Drain on our Nation’s Economy.

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Piñata

11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists – The Dangerous New Cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord